You Must Be From Wisconsin - If:

I don’t know whether Jeff Foxworthy really wrote this (I doubt it), but Diane S., Wisconsin received this humor in e-mail concerning Wisconsin folks and the name of “Jeff Foxworthy” attached to it [edited] …

If you consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through 38-inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping that a fish will swim by – you might live in Wisconsin.
If you’re proud that your region makes the national news 96 nights each year because Park Falls is the coldest spot in the nation – you might live in Wisconsin.
If you have ever refused to buy something because it’s “too pricey” – you might live in Wisconsin.
If you instinctively walk like a penguin for five months out of the year - you might live in Wisconsin.
If someone in a store offers you assistance, and they don’t work there – you might live in Wisconsin.
If your Dad’s sun tan stops at a line curving around the middle of his forehead – you might live in Wisconsin.
If you may not have actually eaten it, but you have heard of Head Cheese – you might live in Wisconsin.
If you have worn shorts and a parka at the same time – you might live in Wisconsin. [No exaggeration - folks on the Peninsula here do this! But not me!]
If you have either a pet or a child named “Brett” – you might live in Wisconsin.
If your town has an equal number of bars and churches – you might live in Wisconsin.
If you have had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number – you might live in Wisconsin.
If you know how to say “Oconomowoc”, “Waukesha”, “Menomonee”, and “Manitowoc” – you might live in Wisconsin.
If every time you see moonlight on a lake, you think of a dancing bear, and you sing, “From the land of sky-blue waters” – you might live in Wisconsin. [Theme jingle for Pabst Blue Ribbon beer - remember "Laverne & Shirley"? and Henry Winkler as "Fonz", who now has a bronze statue here in Milwaukee, Wisconsin in his honor - and What about "That 70s Show"?]
You know you are a true Wisconsinite when:
1. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway.
2. “Vacation” means going up north past Highway 8 for the weekend.
3. You measure distance in hours.
4. You often switch from “heat” to “A/C” in the same day and back again.
5. You know several people who have hit deer more than once.
6. Your whole family wears Packer Green to church on Sunday.
7. You can drive 65 mph through 2-feet of snow during a raging blizzard, without flinching.
8. You see people wearing camouflage at social events – including weddings and funerals.
9. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.
10. You think of the major food groups as beer, fish and venison.
You carry jumper cables in your car and your wife or girlfriend knows how to use them.
11. There are seven empty cars running in the parking lot at Mill’s Fleet Farm at any given time.
12. You design your kid’s Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
13. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.
14. You refer to the Packers as “we”.
15. You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter, and road construction.
16. You can identify a southern or eastern accent.
17. You have no problem pronouncing Lac Du Flambeau.
18. You consider Minneapolis exotic.
19. You know how to polka.
20. Your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a deer next to your blue spruce.
21. You were unaware that there is a legal drinking age.
22. “Down South” to you means Illinois.
23. A brat is something you eat.
24. Your neighbor throws a party to celebrate his new pole shed.
25. You go out to fish fry every Friday.
26. Your 4th of July picnic was moved indoors due to frost.
27. You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.
28. You find minus twenty degrees “a little chilly”.

Might want to add - If you hope global warming is not a hoax - you live in Wisconsin.

Just in from Weather Channel Online Alert: Winter Advisory … Tuesday January 29th: Possible freezing rain turning to snow by afternoon, wind picking up and will begin at gusts ranging from 35 to 50 mph in the evening with temperatures dropping to at least minus 35-degrees wind chill factor. Ah! Wisconsin! Welcome to Door Peninsula in the winter. Accumulation of snow 3 to 6-inches with drift from high winds.

What was that again, Mr. Gore, about global warming? When? Where?

Noah Needs to Build Another Ark

To provide more humor and the light side of Lighthouse as an alternate to some of the seriousness here, Diane S., Wisconsin, Friend of LPJ, has provided some more humor …

“The earth is wicked again.  I’m going to flood it and start over,” God told Noah.  “Build another ark and save two of every living thing.”

Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard - but no ark.

“Where’s the ark?” he asked.  “I’m about to start the rain.”

“Yeah - well things have changed,” Noah said.  “First, I needed a building permit.  Then some group said it was inhumane to put the animals in such a cramped space.  Then the EPA halted construction to conduct an environmental impact study of the flood.”

Suddenly the clouds cleared and a rainbow stretched across the sky.

“You mean you’re not going to destroy the world?” Noah asked.

“What’s the point?” God said.  “Looks like someone beat me to it.”

Using or Misusing Special Privileges in a State of War

The controversial issue concerning the law governing how U.S. intelligence agencies carry out electronic eavesdropping which the Senate vote recently decided in the Commander-in-Chief’s favor.

MSNBC, Associated Press, reports (January 24^th):

The Senate granted at least a temporary victory to the White House on Thursday, turning back an attempt to increase court oversight of the government’s surveillance of phone calls and e-mails that involve people inside the United States. The 60-36 vote to reject increased powers for the secret Foreign Intelligence Surveillance court came as senators worked against a Feb. 1 deadline to extend the law governing how U.S. intelligence agencies carry out electronic eavesdropping. Further action on the legislation was delayed until Monday, pushing Congress closer to the deadline … whether to grant legal immunity to telecommunications companies that helped the government conduct warrantless surveillance.

Question: Do you think it is unconstitutional or unethical for our government/military to monitor private mail of members of the armed forces serving in a combat zone, and blocking out any information within the private letter that may provide the enemy with information that would aid them, if intercepted? Or even confiscate the entire letter and not send it? Is racial profiling an accepted tool for investigators? Was the internment of Japanese Americans and immigrants justified by the FDR administration? Do any of these apply to the global war against terrorism - Islamic fascism?

Politics is Politics - Diane S., Friend of LPJ

  Diane S., Wisconsin describes the political atmosphere in America with this humorous email she sent:

A man walks into a bar and is greeted by a picture of an elephant in red, white and blue.

“Take that down,” he tells the owner.  “The GOP is a blight upon the nation!”

“You can’t tell me how to run my bar!” the Republican bartender said.  “What if I came into you bar and told you what to do?”

“You would be the customer and the customer is always right,” the man answered.

“Then let’s switch places, the bartender says.

Sitting at the bar he says to the man behind the bar, “Now take off that donkey pin.  You liberals are destroying this country.”

The man answered, “Sorry.  We don’t serve Republicans here.”

Eric - Being a Young Single Jewish American

This short posting is to introduce readers to Eric, who some know him as the “Black Tyger” from his website, and from his website is this charmingly humorous article pertaining to being Jewish – and single – and a conservative. And therein is the dilemma (if indeed you would consider it so) as well as his special style of humor. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did. Here is the link.

And, Eric also wishes everyone a “Happy Dead Week”.